The Shining Barrier: From Pagan Fortress to Sacred Sanctuary - Part 3: Practical Boundaries

Published on December 10, 2025 by Paul Blake

A glowing white tree with stars against a dark blue background, symbolizing sacred boundaries in relationships

This is Part 3 of a 3-part series exploring Sheldon Vanauken's "A Severe Mercy" and what it teaches us about protecting love in all our relationships.

Dear reader, I am writing this to myself as much or maybe more than to others. I am under no delusion that my writing will somehow be better than that of the great writers - indeed, I would encourage you to simply read the source yourself and come to your own conclusions. Nevertheless, I write because it is meaningful to me and serves as a way to convey my thoughts without burdening those close to me with endless conversation on the topic. If it proves a help to you, I am honored.

We've journeyed through the story of Van and Davy's Shining Barrier — from its pagan origins as an exclusive fortress to its painful transformation through divine grace. We've seen how C.S. Lewis diagnosed both its glory and its danger, and how Christ's invasion of their carefully constructed walls became the very salvation of their love.

Now comes the crucial question: What does this mean for us? How do we build our own Shining Barriers in ways that protect without imprisoning, that preserve intimacy while preventing idolatry?

Boundaries as Ministry: Extending the Barrier to All Relationships

The profound insights of the Shining Barrier need not be confined to marriage alone. Every significant relationship in our lives can benefit from appropriate protective boundaries — boundaries that preserve intimacy while preventing codependency, that maintain connection while respecting individuality.

In friendships, a properly constructed barrier might mean establishing clear expectations about time and emotional availability. It means learning to say, as Proverbs 25:16 advises, "Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you." This is not coldness but wisdom — preserving the friendship by preventing exhaustion. Just one example of how we may unintentionally degrade a heathy barrier in a friendship.

In family relationships, especially with parents and adult children, the barrier helps establish the necessary differentiation that allows for mature love. Genesis speaks of leaving father and mother to cleave to one's spouse, but this principle extends beyond marriage to the general truth that healthy adult relationships require appropriate separation and individuation.

In our relationship with the church community, boundaries prevent both burnout and isolation. We give generously of ourselves while maintaining the reserves necessary for sustained service. We open our lives to fellow believers while maintaining appropriate privacy about matters that are between us and God alone. Nevertheless, still sharing in a similar way to the Principle of Sharing. This sharing simply being in the context of the relationship it finds itself. James 5:16 speaks to this, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

In each case, the key is remembering that "Boundaries can be primarily self-protective and self-oriented or promote relational, spiritual, and personal health." The Christian distinctive lies in choosing boundaries that serve not merely our comfort but the genuine good of all involved.

Healthy Christian living takes the form of a multitude of shining barriers which display care, wisdom, and love to those in our lives. Ever since I have encountered Sheldon and Davey's Shining barrier I have been set in extrapolating this ideal to all my relationships. My past failures call out to me, earnestly imploring me to set aright what was neglected.

The Danger of Extremes: Neither Fortress nor Open Field

As we consider implementing protective barriers in our relationships, we must guard against two equal and opposite errors.

The first is the error of Van and Davy's original pagan barrier — making our human relationships so exclusive and self-sufficient that they become idolatrous. The second is having no barriers at all, leaving our most precious relationships exposed to every wind of circumstance and every predator of intimacy.

The modern world particularly tempts us toward the second error. In an age that celebrates unlimited openness and views any boundary as restrictive, we may feel guilty for protecting our marriages, friendships, and family relationships. We may be told that true love requires no boundaries, that jealousy is always wrong, that exclusive commitments are outdated.

Yet Scripture consistently affirms the goodness of appropriate boundaries. "God's plan for sexual purity has always included boundaries," and this principle extends beyond sexuality to all forms of intimacy.

The question is not whether to have boundaries but how to establish them in ways that serve love rather than selfishness.

Consider how even Christ, perfect in love, maintained boundaries. He withdrew from crowds to pray. He chose twelve apostles for special intimacy and three for even closer relationship. He told His own mother, "Woman, what have I to do with thee? Mine hour is not yet come" (John 2:4), establishing that even the closest family bonds must submit to divine timing and purpose.

Moreover, Christ set a high standard for entry to come and follow Him in regards to our earthly relationships that we hold most dear. He declares, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." It would appear the one extreme is not excluded. That is a radical devotion to Christ. A protective sanctuary must prioritize their relationship with God over all other earthly relationships and allegiances.

Practical Applications: Building Your Own Shining Barrier

How then shall we construct our own Shining Barriers? The answer will vary with each relationship, but certain principles remain constant:

Five Principles for Building Your Shining Barrier:

First, Christ must be the cornerstone. Any barrier built without reference to Him will ultimately prove either too rigid or too permeable. He alone can show us when to build up and when to tear down, when to include and when to exclude.

Second, regular evaluation is essential. Van and Davy held what they called "Navigators' Councils" to assess the state of their relationship. Christian couples and friends might adopt a similar practice, regularly asking not just "How are we doing?" but "Are we growing in grace together? Are we serving God's purposes? Are our boundaries helping or hindering love?"

Third, flexibility within firmness is crucial. The core commitments of a relationship — fidelity in marriage, loyalty in friendship, honor toward parents — remain constant. But the specific expressions of these commitments may need to adapt as circumstances change and people grow.

Fourth, community accountability provides essential perspective. Van and Davy's isolation within their Barrier prevented them from seeing its dangers. We need trusted others who can observe our relationships from outside and speak truth when our barriers become either too permeable or too impermeable.

Fifth, prayer must pervade the entire structure. Every decision about boundaries, every adjustment to our barriers, every challenge to our protective walls should be brought before God in prayer. He alone knows whether a particular boundary serves His purposes or merely our preferences.

The Enduring Light: What the Barrier Teaches Us

The story of the Shining Barrier is ultimately neither tragedy nor simple triumph but something more complex and beautiful — a testament to love's transformation under grace. Van and Davy's mistake was not in building a barrier but in building it on the wrong foundation and for the wrong purposes. Their correction came not through abandoning all boundaries but through allowing Christ to reconstruct their barrier according to His design.

For those of us who long for deep, lasting relationships — whether in marriage, friendship, or community — the Shining Barrier offers both warning and encouragement. The warning is against making any human relationship ultimate, against building walls that exclude God or duty to others. The encouragement is that with Christ as our architect and foundation, we can indeed build barriers that protect and preserve love without imprisoning it.

"A severe mercy — the phrase haunted him: a mercy that was as severe as death, a death that was as merciful as love." This haunting phrase captures the essential paradox of the Christian life. Sometimes God's greatest mercies come through our greatest losses. Sometimes the walls we build must be broken so that greater walls can be erected. Sometimes the love we thought we were protecting must die so that it can be resurrected in more glorious form.

In our own relationships, may we have the wisdom to build appropriate Shining Barriers — walls that protect without imprisoning, boundaries that preserve without isolating, limits that free rather than constrain. May we learn from Van and Davy both what to emulate and what to avoid. And may we always remember that the strongest barrier is not one we build ourselves but one built by the Master Architect, who knows perfectly how to protect what He has joined together.

The Shining Barrier still gleams across the years, no longer as a pagan fortress but as a Christian testimony to love's power when submitted to Love Himself. In its light, we see our own relationships more clearly — their vulnerabilities and their potential, their need for protection and their call to openness, their temporal beauty and their eternal significance.

May we build wisely, love deeply, and hold all things loosely except for Him who holds us all.

For Further Study

Readers are encouraged to explore Sheldon Vanauken's complete work A Severe Mercy, the letters of C.S. Lewis contained therein, and the scriptural passages on love and boundaries found throughout the Old and New Testaments. The Shining Barrier, properly understood and reconstructed under Christ's lordship, remains a powerful metaphor for protecting and nurturing the relationships God has entrusted to our care.

Series Navigation

About this Series

This 3-part series explores themes from Sheldon Vanauken's memoir A Severe Mercy, examining how the concept of the "Shining Barrier" — originally a pagan fortress built to protect romantic love — was transformed through Christian faith into a model for healthy, God-centered boundaries in all our relationships. Through Van and Davy's story, and C.S. Lewis's prophetic insights, we learn that true protection comes not from excluding God and others, but from building our relationships on the foundation of divine love.

Subscribe to Updates